Foot Pron

Okay, I’m going out on a limb here at the risk of losing a large portion of my devout readers who are undoubtedly perverted and overly sensitive:

“I don’t get foot fetishes.”

What’s with people’s feet that makes them something to spank the monkey over? Like there are some toes, hmm, toenails, an arch, a couple of hairs…and, umm, nothing else really.

It’s not like a foot houses any reproductive organs even - the last time I checked my foot, there wasn’t a vagina or even a penis attached. I just checked again, nope, nothing there that could potentially wet itself with excitement or be worked in a dark smokey club to pay for a college education.

In fact, one could argue that a foot is perhaps the least attractive part of the human anatomy. When you walk around barefoot like I do, the foot is bound to pick up some sort of STD or lymphoma or scabies or leprosy or something. It’s routinely shoved in a shoe, which is rarely washed or wiped out and usually stanks like you’d imagine Rosie O’Donnell does after rolling around naked in liver. And often times people have little wedge shaped smallest toes that are quite unappealing when compared to other toes.

I suppose that’s it - the grossness of the foot is it’s desirable feature? I just don’t understand, and that’s okay with me. To each their own (and someone else’s in the above story, I suppose).

Now if you’ll excuse me, I have to get back to writing a letter to the Armpit Licking Association of North America. I’m doing an feature article on how different types of deodorant taste. Did you know that Ladies’ Speed Stick tastes like mango? Damn that gets me hot. Bowchickawowow.