Things Discussed With My Therapist

- According to her, it's okay to fart in her office. Anxiety can accelerate your disgestion, resulting in flatus. It's just not okay to light the flatus.

- If communication is important, why can't I text while she's talking?

- I'm traumatized by the sevarity of my childhood trauma. It was so unusual and I can never undo that.

- Is the Paxil working for my bitchyness or should I switch back to vodka? Is it okay I combine both every night?

- Why I've spent more time editing my POF profile than my résumé and how that affects my ability to pay her.

- First, a painstaking, 5 minute explanation of how MSN Instant Messenger works, complete with sounds like the slamming door sign off, necessary because my therapist is a woman who only uses the internet for dumb shit like research. Then, 40 minutes trying to figure out with her what one of my exs meant when he messaged me to say "hi, can i have my stuff back?" See, I think that sounds like a new start.