You WILL Acknowledge Me, Wal-Mart Greeter

Well, here I go again, on my way into Wal-Mart. Oh look, a penny. It's turned with the tail facing up. Is that a good thing or a bad thing? I can't remember. I'm pretty sure it's a bad thing. I better leave it alone.

Besides, what do I need with a penny? What can you even begin to buy with a penny these days? When was the last time the penny was worth a shit? Even the motto from the Great Depression was "Brother, can you spare a dime?" A dime! Even eighty years ago, people weren't lowering themselves to ask for a penny.

Okay, I'm approaching the doors. What the hell is that lady wearing? She looks like an American buffalo stuffed into footie pajamas. Oh wait, that's exactly what it is. Fun. I wonder what a buffalo is doing outside Wal-Mart on a day like this. Did you know that "Buffalo buffalo buffalo buffalo." is a complete sentence? It is.

Oh crap, someone's out here asking for money for some charity or another. Avert eyes! What's that shiny thing up there? Well, there I went and looked directly at the sun again, explicitly against my eye doctor's instructions.

All right, I've passed through the gateway. I'm no longer on municipal property. I'm in the Mart. I can't see shit. It smells like a curious mixture of popcorn and grape Bubble Tape in here. Not altogether unpleasant. Do I need a cart? Why am I even here? I completely forget. Maybe I should just go back to the train before I wind up buying something I don't need. But no, I've parked too far away. Might as well trek on.



Oh boy, here we go. The Wal-Mart greeter lies ahead. The last three times I came here, he not only didn't greet me, he failed to smile or even acknowledge my existence. He just stood there, his ancient eyes looking off at some faint point in the distance. If he doesn't greet me this time, I'm going to make a scene. That's his only job, to greet me. Am I not good enough to receive a greeting? Do I need to peacock myself in order to deserve his fleeting attention? Is it not enough that I'm wearing this halter top and a multicolored beanie?

Walking, walking, walking ....

...

... and IGNORED AGAIN!

All right, Wal-Mart greeter, you're about to get a piece of my mind. Depending on your reaction to my angry tirade, we'll see if we need to get the manager involved. I don't want to have to do that--you're probably underpaid, even considering your job and your performance at said job--but I will do what I must. There's only so much disrespect one person---

BATTERIES!

That's what I need. I better go get them before I forget again. But I won't forget this, Wal-Mart Greeter.

I won't forget this.